| 000; Severus Tobias Snape |
[Dec 11, 2013 * 8:41am] |
"Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way."( Read more... )
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| 026; 15 May 1981. |
[May 15, 2012 * 9:20pm] |
[Warded Private] I went to visit Mum again. It was awkward, but less awkward than last time. Sometimes I wonder what she'd do if Dad died. Would she be back into the wizarding world? Would she stay in the Muggle one? I don't know why she would WANT to stay in the Muggle one, but she might do it. After all she married a Muggle, so she obviously had some infatuation with it.
I keep wanting to ward something to Max and I can't. I mean, I could, but I won't get any response back.
I hate this.
And if Dominic Max wouldn't have messed something like that up, would he have? If he did then did he mess
I can't keep pretending as if the world doesn't exist. It does.
[Warded to Lily]How are you?
The cat has taken over my bed. You would think she is much larger than she actually is.
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| 025; 10 May 1981. |
[May 10, 2012 * 8:56pm] |
[Warded Private]If it weren't for the potions I'm working on I'm pretty certain I'd have no idea what day it is.
Sometimes I wish it would have been me instead of Max. I mean, really, my Father wouldn't notice that I was gone particularly now. My Mum would miss me, probably, but then again it's hard to say since she doesn't really contact me that much right now. Who else is left? Fletcher? Max would have missed me, but he would have moved on, might have even taken care of the silly cat. Could have named her after me, instead of me naming her after him. It's sentimental and rubbish, but I can't not do it after Cecily and I spoke about it.
Max had his family, and his mother and his father no doubt needed him to take up where his brother left off. I don't really have anyone and it should have been me. Then this would be over an
I've just tried to ignore the journals after the broadcast. I can't expect anyone to care about Max except me. They all think he was the devil and haven't bothered to ask any further questions about why. And why would they? The DMLE has told them one thing, they haven't bothered to ask whether the DMLE is correct. They're all a bunch of bloody sheep -- the lot of them.
Max, what the fuck, really? Why? What happened to make the Aurors decide they needed to kill you?
Added after ten minutes
I have no idea what to say. I feel like I ought to say something publicly but I don't want to talk to people and they mostly don't want to talk to me so I don't know why I bother trying to come up with something.
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| 024; 4 May 1981. |
[May 4, 2012 * 11:16pm] |
[Warded Private]Another person died.
So what? We killed someone to make a point, the Ministry killed Max no doubt to make a point. Do any of their death's really mean anything? Do they make any point other than that we do not value any life? And by we, I really mean the entirely bloody wizarding world then, not any specific group.
I want to be finished with all of this. I want to have a decent job, with a decent position. I want something I can look forward to waking up for. I want Li
I miss Max. I miss Christian. I miss Evan. I miss Regulus. Too many friends gone now and who is left to care about me?
When it gets to that point, will there be anyone left to care that I've died?
I need to stop thinking so morbidly. I have no intention of dying. Not yet.
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| 023; 28 April 1981 |
[Apr 28, 2012 * 1:06pm] |
[Warded Private]I have the worst headache.
I don't know where to begin. I was just talking with him. I told him he wasn't allowed to die cause who would tease me about Cat. Cat.
I don't know if it's bad or good that she's been curled up around my head most of the morning just purring as if somehow she can set the world right by her purr. She can't though. The world isn't right. A right world isn't like this.
He was like a brother. He was family.
And I don't believe that Max would have tried to kill someone -- not after all of the conversations we've had. It wouldn't have been a direct order and so why would he? Why not simply go with them and answer the questions? They used the killing curse on him. They guaranteed that he wouldn't be able to answer questions. I doubt they had any proof at all. If they did have, why would they have killed him? They wanted to be able to say 'we captured a Death Eater' and so they killed him. They'll never have to answer the questions now. No one will ask them, unless maybe Mr Wilkes... but after Sebastian... They had nothing, they couldn't have had anything -- Max was careful -- and they just killed him. If I ever find out who did it I will kill them. And I won't feel guilty about it either. When they killed Max they signed their own death sentence.
I just want... I just don't want to deal with today. Or anything after this.
I can't care about anyone. They always just get taken away.
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